Clare Raven, a neuro ITU sister at our Trust, was selected as a UK UN delegate and panel speaker at the United Nations Women Event held at the UN headquarters in New York.

The event was part of the annual UN Conference for the Commission of the Status of Women (CSW), dedicated to the promotion of gender equality. Clare, herself a victim of domestic abuse and gender-based violence, was a representative of End Honour Killings. This non-profit charity supports victims and survivors of gender-based violence worldwide.

This year's CSW conference, held from 11 to 22 March, focused on the subjects like financial and economic issues that women face. Clare was invited to speak on the panel on 18 March about her personal experience with financial abuse and how it impacted her decision making.

Clare said:

During my abusive relationship, I was manipulated into stopping my career, this later lead to fear, then violence. At this stage I had no other option, I was dependant on government support. Unfortunately, I lost control of this income leaving myself and my children without essentials on many occasions, I often went without food, gas and electricity.

Financial control is an often overlooked aspect of domestic abuse but it is a significant barrier for many women trying to escape their situations.

Her journey to the UN was facilitated by Nina Aouilk, co-founder of End Honour Killings. Clare reached out to Nina after being deeply moved by her story of surviving an attempted honour killing. The two connected and Nina became a coach and mentor for Clare.

At the conference, Clare was one of six panel members, each sharing their inspiring stories of survival and resilience. It was a deeply personal experience for Clare, being a survivor herself, to represent the charity, especially as she now uses her lived experience to advocate for change.

Clare endured years of torturous emotional and physical abuse, including being severely bitten, having multiple broken bones, being attacked with sharp weapons and objects, and near fatal strangulation and drownings. Her abuser completely isolated from her from her friends and family. He had complete control.

She added:

I was in a relationship for years that was beyond description. It began as a love bomb and my now counsellor expressed that in the beginning of the relationship (unbeknown to me) I was groomed - my daughter Kayli too.

I couldn’t access a refuge or even a support line during the many years of domestic abuse that I and my children experienced. I had little awareness of the support Refuge could have offered me and potentially given me and my children a place of safety and support.

Raising awareness and understanding are paramount in recognising and supporting victims of domestic abuse. Therefore, it is crucial to ensure the complexity of domestic violence is understood.

Clare’s journey to become a nurse at our Trust was difficult, as she was trying to flee her abusive relationship at the time, but she worked hard to make sure she would reach her goal.

Her decision to become a nurse was inspired by her admiration for the nurses who took care of her son, Tommy, when he was born prematurely. He had to spend time in the intensive care unit, and the nurses there inspired Clare with their dedication and compassion.

I never thought I would qualify, because of all the sick days I had to take and the control my abuser still had through first year as a student nurse, but I was so determined to save my children and I needed to be financially stable to do so.

She managed to escape, rebuild her life, and achieve professional success. Today, she is a proud mother and advocate for women's rights, and her daughter, Kayli, followed in her footsteps and works with victims of trauma around the world.

Clare added:

I have a successful career now. I threw everything into scooping up my children, turning our lives around, I even obtained a BSc (Hons). I was able to obtain a mortgage on a house by myself. To most people this is not much but to me this is everything.

I genuinely thought my life was over at points; this I could only have dreamed of.

Clare is also training for the London Marathon, which will be held on Sunday 21 April. She is running to raise awareness and funds for Refuge, a non-profit charity for women and children who are experiencing domestic violence, a cause very close to her heart.

A year ago, I wouldn’t even think of speaking about my journey – now I share my story to help.

Around 1 in 4 women, and 1 in 5 men will experience some form of domestic abuse in her lifetime. If any of the topics mentioned in this article affect you or someone you know, please seek help from charities like Refuge or End Honour Killings.