‘We want people to acknowledge the child who isn’t here’
Twins Avea and Nayara (below), born in June, each carry a special middle name – Akira – in memory of big sister Kiara, who was stillborn in June 2025 at 39 weeks. While she’s not here with them, Kiara is very much part of their family.
For mum Fiona Macleod and dad Alex Igoh (pictured top with Kiara), of Upminster Bridge, Baby Loss Awareness Week (Friday 9 to Thursday 15 October), is an opportunity to tell others to be led by the parents when it comes to baby loss, as they love talking about Kiara.
Fiona, 37, said:
I would rather talk about her and cry, than not mention her. It makes me emotional, but I welcome any opportunity. We never shy away from saying Kiara was our first child, we want her name to remain in our mouths, and for people to ask about her.
It makes people feel awkward when they ask if the girls are our first and we mention Kiara, they often change the subject. But I would rather people acknowledge her; the twins are here; we want people to acknowledge our child who isn’t here.
Alex, 34, added:
It’s been hard to get our heads around how bittersweet everything is, happiness has a greyness to it as it’s hard to celebrate anything with her missing. No matter what good things happen, we know we’ll never be 100% happy.
People see the twins and have no idea what things were like this time last year. When we tell them, they find ways to make things positive, saying we have two beautiful girls now. Obviously, we’re grateful to have them but people need to know it’s okay not to be positive, it’s not positive, it’s horrible. We understand people are uncomfortable, but be led by the parents, some might not want to talk, but we want you to give us the space to talk about her.
Kiara’s name was long planned for Fiona; it was on her list of baby names when she was just a teenager. Luckily, when she and Alex found out they were expecting a girl, he loved it too.
Fiona added:
That was one of the moments we remember most fondly, finding out the gender. Alex is a total girl dad and definitely wanted a girl, I was trying to avoid disappointment but wanted the same.
We immediately went shopping and got an outfit, it was what we dressed her in when she was born. It was pink with bunnies on it. I’m sure Kiara likes bunnies and we left her with a soft toy bunny.
After finding out she was pregnant on her birthday in October 2024, Fiona’s pregnancy progressed without any issues, and she and Alex had a special song they would play Kiara – Lauryn Hill’s version of Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You.
In the later weeks Kiara wasn’t growing at the same rate. They were concerned, but were reassured by staff at Queen’s Hospital, following growth scans.
They went to maternity triage due to Kiara’s reduced movement and staff were unable to find a heartbeat. They had to return to the hospital the following day for Fiona to be induced – she was close to her due date and had to give birth.
Alex said of Kiara:
She was fantastic – beautiful, with big feet and hands. But we didn’t get to hear her cry. With the twins, we needed that. We waited two years to hear our babies’ cry.
The day Kiara was born, Alex and Fiona met bereavement midwife Louise Brodrick, who, as well as supporting them at that time, was there during their subsequent pregnancy.
Fiona added:
We were unhappy with the care during my pregnancy with Kiara, so having Louise made a big difference. She had such an understanding of every concern and came to every appointment. She would talk to staff in advance, so we didn’t have to explain each time.
A service of remembrance for babies including Kiara will be held this Friday 9 October at 18.30. Anyone affected by baby loss is welcome to attend either in person, in the Education Centre at Queen’s Hospital, or via Microsoft Teams, https://teams.microsoft.com/ , meeting ID: 388 931 483 436 593, passcode: D8JR2cL7. To include your baby’s name in the service email, bhrut.bereavementmid@nhs.net.
